Thursday, 7 January 2016

Jay's Jokes - Part Three

Jay and I met up at a family get together just before the Holidays. It was to celebrate my Mother and her accomplishments; not the least of which was finally getting my Father's memoirs into print. You can buy the book through the publisher here: It's a much better story than is described on that page. Please pick up a copy and help pay for my Mother's years of putting up with my Father.

Anyhow, back to meeting up with 'tall and talented'... At one point Jay said, "I only have about three jokes." This he mentioned in conjunction with a tale about a young lad who stormed up to him in the grocery store to let Jay know that the boy had finally figured out why the punch line of one of "Jay's 3 jokes" was funny. The kid finally got it and had to let Jay know. That joke? Why was the pirate upset at the price of corn? Because it was just a buck an ear. Jay has always enjoyed puns. It is something we have in common. This love of word play was inherited from our Mother who passed it down from her parents.

Like a true sibling, I am here to prove my brother wrong. Jay may think he only has three jokes, but I assure you he has shared a multitude of mirth over the years. Here's another one:

Jack and the Bears

Jack was sitting in the Lavigne Tavern, complaining about the bears. "They get into everything. Over-sized rodents. I've tried everything to discourage them and get them to stay away from my place, but no luck."
Guy, the owner of the Tavern, smiled at Jack and said, "Bears used to be a pain in my backside, too. Then I figured out how to show 'em who's boss. Now I don't have any problems with bears."
Jack was intrigued. "What'd you do?"
Guy said, "Buy yourself another drink and I'll tell you."
Jack was happy to comply.
"Okay," Guy said. "First you'll need some supplies. Do you still have your ice fishing gear?"
"Yeah," Jack replied. "Pretty much anything and everything. Auger, saws, lines, hut, you name it."
"Good," Guy said. "The only other thing you're going to need is a large can of sweet peas."
"Peas?" Jack gave Guy a bewildered look.
"Yes, sweet green peas. Bears love sweet green peas almost as much as they love honey and rooting in garbage."
"Now here's what you do," Guy explained. "Go out onto the lake and cut a big hole into the ice. Make it really big. Not just a little ice fishing hole. This hole has to be massive."
"Then take the can of sweet peas and make a line of them along one edge of the opening in the ice."
"Got it."
"Next find a spot close to the edge of the lake where you can hide from any approaching bears."
"Now you just wait. When a bear stops to take a pea, rush up behind him and kick him in the ice hole."