Sunday, 21 April 2019

Beats the Eaton's Catalogue

My wife and I picked up a bargain package of toilet paper rolls the other day.  It was the same brand and style we always get. The only difference was in the number of rolls in the package.  We usually buy a package of 8 rolls. This time the 12 roll pack was on special. Can anyone explain to me why the quality drops between the 8 roll pack and the 12 roll pack? Buy more; get less value.

Quantity on the roll (number of sheets) is another issue with butt tissue. If the label states “150 sheets per roll” there had better be 150 useable sheets; not 145 sheets with the last 5 permanently glued to the roll. How annoying is it to think you have enough sheets to finish the job only to discover that Crazed Glue Spreader Glen has basically laminated the last few sheets to the roll. Perhaps this is what happened to young Arthur Bone, a boy who lived on our street when I was a child. One afternoon Arthur could be heard shouting through his bathroom window, “Ma! We’re out of bum wad!”

Toilet paper manufacturers should be mandated to include an exact measure of the thickness of the ply. Two-ply becomes one-ply when the thickness is reduced.

I worked briefly in a paperless office. There were no paper towels in the restrooms. They had “industrial ply” toilet paper in ‘good-luck- finding-the-end’ dispensers inside public stalls. If they were really serious about going completely paperless, wouldn’t they install bidets? Then they’d have to get the employees with the hairy derrieres to shave to speed up efficiency in the drying process. Mind you, they did have toilets that flushed automatically whether you were finished or not. With a high enough water pressure those toilets are already ready to offer a quick rinse across the nether regions.