Friday, 11 August 2017

Because Thinking is Too Hard

David

I have to do some research.

Robert

No problem.  Just Google it.

David

Google it?

Robert

Yeah, Google it.

David

Google is not a verb I’m familiar with.

Robert

Google is not a verb. It’s a search engine.

David

If Google’s not a verb, why are you using it as one?

Robert

Everybody does these days. It’s just the way of things. You’ll get used to it. Stop thinking so much.

David

This ‘Google’ thing, will it give me all the relevant, pertinent facts?

Robert

Of course it will. As long as the website doesn’t contradict anything Google or its Masters don’t want you to think or know about.

David

What was that last bit?

Robert

What bit?

David

That bit you just said about Google not wanting me to think or know about stuff.

Robert

Oh, ignore that. It’ll just put too much strain on your brain. Google knows that. That’s why they tuck away all that nasty information that could hurt you. Google knows all. You can trust them. Go on, get Googling.

David

I’m not sure. Suddenly I’m feeling a bit anxious.

Robert

Stop stressing. Don’t worry so much. Lucky for you, Google has that covered, too. Here, watch a cat video.


Robert

Feel better now? Of course you do.

David

Yes, thanks. What did I just watch?

Robert

That’s Maru. He’s like, the Emperor of Japan now or something. So, ready to Google that information?

David

I think so, but I can’t get past what you said earlier about Google suppressing information.

Robert

Oh that. Come on now. It’s not like Google are the Thought Police or anything. Here, gear yourself up with a nice music video.


Robert

There. That should get you going. All revved up now?

David

No I bloody well am not. If anything I’m more paranoid than ever.

Robert

Okay, okay. Calm down. Maybe you’ll feel better if you do a little socializing. Check in on some friends or loved ones.

David

I can’t leave to go visiting. I’m too far behind in my work.

Robert

You can stay here and visit friends and family.

David

How?

Robert

Facebook.

David

Oh, yeah. I’d forgotten about that. Let me see. Here we go.

Robert

Good thing you’re using a Mac. It’s so easy to find things.

David

True. By using Apple products I don’t have to remember a thing or figure anything out. The machines do all the work for me.

Robert

Like life support for the brain. Oh, I know! Think of Google as an extension of Apple. It keeps track of all the memories and stuff you no longer have the capacity for.

David

Apple and Google: because thinking is hard.

Robert

Are you on Facebook yet?

David

Yes. I’m scrolling down my ‘wall’ now.

Robert

Why the sad face?

David

Everyone has a better life than I do. Look how happy and successful they all are.

Robert

Then do something about it.

David

Do something about it?

Robert

Yes.

David

How?

Robert

Improve yourself by buying a book or product that will enhance your life.

David

Where can I find such things without going out? Is there a way to do that in the privacy of my own home so no one will know what I’m up to?

Robert

There sure is: Amazon.

David

How will I know what to choose?

Robert

Not to worry. Amazon will tell you what you want. Just like Facebook feeds you the news it knows you need.

David

So, Facebook and Amazon: because thinking is hard?

Robert

Now you’re catching on.

David

Maybe I’ll just take a break and read a book.

Robert

An e-book? On your Kindle?

David

No, I think I’ll read a proper book; one with a spine and physical pages.

Robert

You’re so old-fashioned. So, what are you reading?

David

 1984

Robert

Oh dear.