Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Unexplained Paranormal Mysteries

Today on Unexplained Paranormal Mysteries: Ellie Bishop's Pants.

If you have been watching the television program NCIS you will be aware of the character Special Agent Eleanor Bishop, played by Emily Wickersham. Having observed this character for some time I have been struck with the question as to how on earth Ms. Wickersham is able to get into the ultra-skinny pants her character wears.

(Note for the people from the U.K.: When I say "pants" I mean "trousers". There will be no discussion of Ms. Wickersham's under garments. Sorry.)

And for those who don't remember the old joke about the guy wondering how a woman put on her tight pants, here it is:
Guy: How do you get into those pants?
Woman: You start by buying me dinner.

I have postulated the following 12 theories:

1. Ms. Wickersham is actually made by Mattel. Her real name is Matilda Mason and she is a Major. That's right. Emily Wickersham is really Major Mat Mason. That's why she is "bendy and flexible".

2. Ms. Wickersham has removable feet.

3. Ms. Wickersham is a genie. She turns her lower half into smoke and glides into the pants with ease.

4. From a small platform several storeys high, Ms. Wickersham plunges into the pants which are suspended below her on long bungee cords.

5. Cables are attached to Ms. Wickersham's ankles and pulled through the pants. The other end of the cables are attached to a team of Siberian Huskies. When the dogs achieve their top speed, Ms. Wickersham is yanked into the pants.

6. Ms. Wickersham is a mutant with the same abilities as Mystique. Her skin tight pants are so skin tight because they are actually her skin.

7. CGI: The pants are painstakingly animated for every episode.

8. CGI - part 2: Ms. Wickersham's legs are painted green and the pants are keyed in using green screen.

9. Ms. Wickersham is sewn into the pants before filming.

10. Giant claws grip the waist band and cuffs of the pants, stretching them out to four times their size while Ms. Wickersham is gently lowered inside.

11. The pants are painted on with fabric paint.

12. Ms. Wickersham's lower half is dipped in baby oil or butter and she slides into the pants.

There you have it. One of those must be true. Which one gets your vote?

Next time on Unexplained Paranormal Mysteries: How does Emily Wickersham breath, bend her knees or (the ultimate question) sit cross-legged in those pants?

2 comments:

  1. Too funny. Now I know what you're thinking about when I'm not around! lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's just idle speculation, dear. I spend more time contemplating quantum reality shifts and the proper weaving of tesseracts than I do Bishop's miracle trousers.

      Delete

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