Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Heart for Glass


I just went to make myself a couple of hotdogs. Real beef hotdogs. Not tofu dogs, turkey dogs, or chicken dogs. (There seem to be too many pieces of beak and feet in the chicken wieners and my teeth aren't up to it. I'll take my chances on the rat droppings, thank you.)

Real Piller's Ball Park hotdogs. (Sorry, Galen, but President's Choice Ball Park's are not Ball Parks. Your marketing / tasting people are lying to you. What is it about the poor saps who take over when Dave leaves? Another prime example of this is Wendy's Restaurant. When Dave was at the helm the burgers were hot and juicy (and the staff spoke English you could understand). Now the food out of Wendy's is cold, dry, and covered in indeterminate sauce. It's like the burgers died with Dave. Or maybe they're now making the burgers out of Dave. dun dun dun)

Now we get to the condiments. I like a little ketchup on my hotdogs. A little ketchup. Not great squirting mounds of ketchup. But that's exactly what I got thanks to the design of Heinz's squeeze bottle. The ones that sit on their lids. The hole is off-centre so the aim is screwy, too. (Ow! My eyes!) The idea of a squeeze bottle that rests on its lid is sound enough, but the execution of the design needs work. Few people want geysers of ketchup shooting at high velocity across their food. What happened to Heinz's speed limit on their ketchup?

I miss glass bottles. Not just glass ketchup bottles that took three days to pour (and you could draw out a nice, even, straight line with), but glass bottles of pop. Having to endure the residual chemicals released by plastic or tin are not doing any of us any favours.

When I was a kid you could buy bottles of pop for twelve cents. Ten cents for the bottle and two cents for the deposit, because they used to be recyclable. I don't know what they can recycle and what they can't anymore. The rules keep changing and I've given up. I suppose the butterfingered public is to partly to blame for the demise of the glass pop bottle, but I also suspect it's the gluttons for soda who want twenty-seven gallon bottles who are also behind this. Fond memories of pop in glass bottles refers to Coca-Cola or Mountain Dew. Remember the hillbilly on the Mountain Dew bottle? They were tasty, thirst-quenching, and kids could get money when they took the bottles back. (Which they would then spend on penny candy, so it was in the best interest of the corner store to stock the glass bottles of pop.)

Penny candy is gone with the memories of yesterday, along with the glass bottles of name brand soda. Now we are faced with bulk bottles of pops, mountains of candy, and bulky, mountains of children.

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